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The dreaded bra-snap
Whereas I usually wouldn’t say that any of their video games are within the fluctuating checklist I’d name my high 10, there are few builders I’ve extra respect for than Treasure. Mischief Makers, Bangai-O, Gunstar Heroes, Sin & Punishment, Dynamite Headdy, McDonald’s Treasure Land Journey: even when they’re typically flawed and bruised, Treasure’s video games are not like any others. They’re so steeped in creativity that it virtually drips off the cartridge, thick and sticky.
There was a bizarre form of cohesion to their experiments, even when it got here to their licensed video games. It wasn’t a lot that they have been throwing concepts at a wall to see what caught, it’s extra that they lived in a vacuum and couldn’t hear anybody inform them their concepts have been unmarketable.
The unlucky factor is just not each experiment works out. All through their historical past, Treasure landed quite a lot of hits, however there have been a number of duds. Of their output, there’s just one sport that I’d describe as Kusoge, and I do this hesitantly. It’s 2001’s Stretch Panic (Freak Out in Europe and Hippa Linda in Japan) on PlayStation 2. Actually, it’s not a painful sport, it’s simply Treasure lacking its mark.
The early ‘00s have been an incredible time for video video games. Know-how in houses obtained a significant bump, and builders have been dipping their toes into issues like twin analog controls. The earlier era was stuffed with bizarre explorations into 3D, but it surely was additionally very restricted. Lots of these limits have been shed by consoles just like the Dreamcast and PlayStation 2.
We acquired video games like Robotic Alchemic Drive, Mr. Mosquito, and Shenmue. They weren’t essentially the most well-executed ideas, however there was nothing like them on the time, and a few nonetheless haven’t been repeated. It’s one in all my favourite eras of the medium to discover. Even when I don’t solely like a sport, it typically leaves an impression.
Stretch Panic is like that. It’s the story of Linda, who seeks to save lots of her many useless sisters from… issues. Clowns? Spirits? Their very own vainness? I’m unsure. The story, as informed within the sport, is virtually incomprehensible. Within the guide, it tells an extended model, however even nonetheless, I can’t discern something other than “sisters kidnapped, go get them.” The narrative is simply brushed below the “it seems trendy” rug.
It additionally doesn’t actually clarify the headband. It comes alive, and that’s it. It’s absolutely the core of the gameplay, however nothing narratively appears to elucidate it. It really works as a hand. It grabs issues. Particularly the enemies, however you may as well seize the setting, most frequently unintentionally. The purpose of Stretch Panic is to stretch bosses in varied methods to trigger injury. Like snapping somebody’s bra strap, which is surprisingly apt. Every boss has their very own weak factors, and discovering them isn’t all the time obligatory, however will prevent a while.
Stretch Panic itself is basically only a sport about bosses. The exception to that’s simply plain baffling. It’s important to purchase admission to their little boss arenas, and to do that, you struggle ladies with aggressively giant breasts. I don’t know why, possibly it ties into the sport’s theme of vainness? Although having giant funbags doesn’t make you useless, it often simply offers you again issues. Or so I’m informed. What have been we speaking about? Boobs?
Proper, getting factors out of boobs. It’s important to attain round these imposing racks and seize the ladies by the hair. Having their hair pulled is their weak point, and touchdown a strike grants you a degree. These absurdly endowed ladies exist in their very own levels which are particularly supposed for grinding by bra-snaps. You wish to stockpile factors, as a result of they’re not solely used to pay the always rising admission costs, but in addition since you want them for particular strikes. This consists of a capability that’s truly obligatory for rescuing your sisters.
So, grinding is definitely a significant mechanic of Stretch Panic, and that’s positively not nice. So, you’d possibly hope that the bosses make up for it, however…
The issue is that the central mechanic simply isn’t that well-thought-out. Navigating the headband might be tough because you solely have 360 levels of movement. There’s no actual forwards and backwards on the headband, simply its personal velocity. You ship it flying and hope which you can discern depth with out binocular cues and land it the place you plan. It’s attainable, only a lot to ask from a participant within the midst of battle.
The bosses themselves are lots like many you’ve seen time and time once more. One of many first bosses, for instance, opens their mouth to cost an assault, supplying you with the chance to fondle their uvula. Generally, Stretch Panic will straight-up level to the boss’s weak point, however then it’s guesswork to attempt to determine what to do with it. Different instances, it’s not that straightforward. There’s one boss that performs a twister assault, requiring you to steer them right into a pond in order that their sandstorm turns to mud.
Then there are some bosses the place it may be much more tough to determine methods to damage them, however in these circumstances, you’ll be able to simply hold pinching them. Even a regular stretch will do small quantities of injury, which might add up over time. You can too carry out one of many sport’s particular strikes to do extra injury. There’s no extra ranges of problem, so if you wish to simply cheese your means by each boss, then slap a nametag on and name your self cheddar.
Stretch Panic can be a really quick sport, which isn’t uncommon from Treasure. The truth that you’ll be able to simply brute drive many of the bosses means you’re not going going to get caught on any specifically. In the event that they made it obligatory to seek out the weak level of every boss, I’m unsure if that will be higher, however it could at the very least make extra sense.
I’m not totally clear on the place Stretch Panic went incorrect, however I believe an excessive amount of religion was put in its central mechanic. It feels prefer it was supposed for an even bigger sport, but it surely was found too late that it was extraordinarily restricted. In among the grinding ranges, for instance, you’ll be able to latch onto one thing and use it to launch your self throughout gaps, however that is by no means utilized in a boss battle. There are vestiges of larger concepts that simply by no means went wherever. It appears like changes needed to be made too late to save lots of the complete product, and we got only a sampling of what truly labored and may very well be compiled.
Regardless of the motive, Stretch Panic simply wound up as nothing greater than a curio. You would possibly come throughout it whereas plumbing Treasure’s backlog, however I doubt anybody can be crying for a modernized port.
Stretch Panic simply appears like a sport the place the idea didn’t work out the way in which envisioned. Maybe it seemed good in a design doc or prototype, however when it got here down to creating an expertise out of it, it melted in room temperature. What we’re left with is an experiment that didn’t work out, however I’ll all the time argue that it’s higher to attempt one thing new and fail than simply rehash the identical system advert absurdum.
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Zoey Handley
Zoey is a gadabout gaming hobbyist. She’s been enjoying video video games all her life and is a lover of each new and retro video games. She enjoys digging within the dust and selecting out the video games which are completely wonderful if you happen to clear them up a bit.
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